A Survivor’s Family

What values do you raise your children with? Do you raise them in a Christian home? Take them to church? Do you motivate them to do well in school? Do you teach them how to be independent and take care of themselves?

What happens when they falter from their plans? Or worse, what can any of us do if we raise our children in the best home we can provide and yet a predator comes into their life, causing them to either take many steps backwards or even disappear from family life entirely?

Samantha* had a strong Catholic upbringing in her parents’ Northern Californian home. She excelled in school and had a burning ambition to become a professional musician, but like every young person, she had her fair share of setbacks, including a severe mental disorder and anger issues that followed her into adulthood. Around that time, she met a man online who she thought would be the love of her life, but he turned out to be a trafficking predator. He sexually exploited her for years, leaving her homeless when she tried to escape.

“That was really hard on my mom,” Samantha shares. “She didn’t know what was happening when it was going on, and when she found out, she thought it was all her fault. Not only that, but my abuser told me that she didn’t love me and made up a bunch of lies about her and my dad that I started to believe after a while. So when I first went into recovery, our relationship was very volatile. It’s difficult because deep down, I really loved her and knew that she loved me.”

Regardless of how it may seem from the outside, exploitation affects the entire family, not just the survivor herself. It creates tension in the family, harbors guilt from parents which can cause even them to lash out, and can damage relationships with children if the survivor is a mother. But that is not to say that there isn’t hope for her family relationship. With help from programs like Alabaster Jar Project, survivors can repair that relationship at their own pace.

“I drove 350 miles to her, then another 100 miles to get her to (Grace House,)” Irene*, Samantha’s mother, explains. “I guess that’s when she needed my help. There have been many times when I needed to step back and let her do what she thought was right. It’s the hardest thing to do as a parent, to sit back and watch.”

Through our residential program at Alabaster Jar Project, Samantha was able to get legal assistance, employment assistance, save money and repair her credit, but most importantly, she was able to do all she needed to in a safe, confidential location. “It wasn’t safe for me to go back and live with my mom because my abuser knew where we lived. Getting a fresh start at Grace House was integral to my healing and ultimately to my independence.” Samantha is now on good terms with all of her family members and has a strong relationship with her mom. “My mom is a hero. She did so much for me even when everyone else had given up on me. Someday, I hope to be a mom who loves her kids as much as she does.”

So how do we approach these conversations when we find that someone in our family has been exploited? Melanie*, Samantha’s cousin who was the first to reach out and help her, has some words of wisdom. “I think coming from a place of compassion in any situation, especially this one, is so important,” Melanie shares with us. “Listening with ears for support and free of judgement with only input meant for solution. Then researching available services and reaching out to those who best know how to help and protect with a plan of immediate care. Do everything in love.”

The first step to immediate care for anyone who has been trafficked or exploited is to call the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 1-888-373-7888, you can be directed to resources in your area. We are connected with them and can provide services for human trafficking survivors if you are directed to our organization.

Please keep all survivors and their families in your prayers. And as always, thank you for supporting us.

written by Amanda Moon Ellevis

Legalization?

Though human trafficking is a devastation that affects women whom we serve every day, it often becomes a hot topic for politicians used to gain political support. While it is important to keep an open mind when trying to solve any injustice, there is abundant research on how to combat human trafficking, and we can learn from what has and has not worked in other parts of the world when considering what action we should take in our country.

There are many different theories on how to end sex trafficking. The Nordic Model, used in Sweden and several other countries, has proven that decriminalizing prostitution and offering services to survivors, while buying sex and sex trafficking both remain criminal offenses, has successfully lowered the rate of prostitution and exploitation. Others claim to believe that decriminalizing the ENTIRE sex trade, including decriminalizing pimping, brothel owning, and purchasing women for sex, can lower the exploitation factor in prostitution.

The problem is that some political leaders choose to mask this decriminalization of the entire sex trade with the slogan “fighting trafficking,” using specific language to mislead potential supporters into believing that their mission is to end trafficking, not mentioning that how they plan to do so is by decriminalizing the trafficking and buying of sex, which continues and maximizes exploitation and victimization. This is clever: If we live in a society where we no longer prosecute traffickers, then there are no more traffickers to hold accountable for exploitation. That doesn’t mean that traffickers cease to exist; just that they are now exploiting women legally. This results in appearing that trafficking rates are down, when in reality, they are not.

Studies have shown that in countries that have experimented with this theory (decriminalizing the entire sex industry, including sex traffickers and buyers,) prostitution increases tremendously, around three or four times what they were before the decriminalization or legalization, as they have in Germany. In result, more women are exploited by the sex industry as demand skyrockets, creating major problems for the women that sex traffickers are now making a growing profit from… Legally.

To truly help women and preserve or expand on their rights, we encourage the provision of more opportunities for women where they do not have to engage in sex work. We believe that women and children should never be a commodity that is bought and sold. We have seen that employment or educational opportunities can be key to a survivor’s healing and independence. If you would like to learn more about how you can provide these opportunities through your small business, or if you want to be a part of our mission to empower survivors but simply don’t know where to begin, please contact us at info@alabasterjarproject.org.

As always, thank you for supporting us.

written by Amanda Moon Ellevis 

Celebrating Milestones - Volunteering from the Heart

The exciting part about working with survivors in our community is watching them meet their goals step-by-step and slowly become empowered, independent women. Though it might be hard to see it from the outside, as our supporters know well that survivors have many roadblocks in their lives, our team constantly witnesses improvements in survivors’ lives and celebrates all their achievements.

In our weekly support group, our Grace House Residents and other survivors in our community share their accomplishments that they have achieved throughout the week with each other. Even though the floor is open to discussing the struggles they are currently facing, participants often share the good things that they are doing and the ways their life is getting better. Wefrequently recognize when our sisters hit sobriety milestones, get their driver’s license, purchase a car, move into independent housing, get a job, and many other positive accomplishments that they achieve. As the majority of our staff are survivors, we know first-hand how many setbacks survivors face and how special it is when they meet each milestone, so each one is worth celebrating.

Though they are not always present when we celebrate, many of our volunteers have used their creativity to contribute to these celebrations. Volunteers have donated gift cards, provided handwritten birthday cards, prepared meals for support group celebrations, and one volunteer has also committed to making personalized, beautifully decorated, and delicious birthday cakes for our sisters’ birthdays.

“When I first started volunteering for Alabaster Jar, they needed someone to bring a birthday cake and balloons for a birthday party,” Shona, our AJP cake volunteer, shares with us. “Well, that is right up my alley. My favorite hobby is throwing birthday parties and making custom cakes. I asked to be the birthday party person and started taking requests for cake flavors and designs. It has been such a blessing to get to use my passion to bless the survivors of Alabaster Jar and let them know they are loved and special by creating cakes unique to them.”

It is really rewarding to watch survivors’ faces light up when they see their personalized cake, and we are so happy to see volunteers find such unique ways to serve them. What may seem simple to most means so much to our entire community. In exploitation, birthdays are often not celebrated and don’t carry many positive memories for survivors, so we use their birthdays as an opportunity to form new, warm memories for each survivor in which they are honored by their community. Volunteering to contribute to that celebration means a lot to our survivors.

We encourage all of our supporters to be creative when deciding how to serve the AJP survivor community and to choose something they enjoy to share with them. Not everyone has lots of money or time to donate to our cause, but everyone has something to give. The possibilities are endless! Contact us through our website to discuss with our team how your special skills and talents can be used to support our survivors.

As always, thank you for supporting what we do. We are often inspired by the love our community has for the women we serve and encourage everyone to give in a way that is close to their hearts.

 written by Amanda Moon Ellevis

Homelessness

Our grace house residential program is an irreplaceable part of our mission to help survivors rebuild their lives. It provides a safe place for our residents to stay so that shelter is not an immediate need, which allows them to focus on their healing and gaining independence. Many may not realize that shelter is at the center of most survivors’ concerns and is often the reason why they enter exploitation in the first place.

Survivors of exploitation and human trafficking face homelessness for a variety of reasons:

1. They may be escaping an abusive homelife and have no safe space to turn to, so they rely on other abusers for shelter who then exploit them. Choosing between the lesser of two evils puts them in a vulnerable position.

2. Traffickers often take advantage of mothers who have lost custody of their children and provide the pseudo-solution that exploitation will help them afford housing for them and ultimately for their children. Once they have exploited these mothers, they may threaten to report them to CPS if they try to leave him, making this temporary “solution” become a long-term problem.

3. Survivors who have their housing needs exploited by sex buyers or traffickers may be held captive with the threat that if they leave, the buyer will report them to the police.

4. Charges accrued as a result of exploitation may make it difficult for survivors to even apply for legitimate housing, let alone find work in order to afford it.

The need for housing often puts survivors in a seemingly endless cycle of going to the extreme to gain housing, but instead of finding shelter, they become exploited. In order to leave exploitation, they need a safe place to stay but often have few options for shelter outside of housing provided by their abusers.

Though a safe home is key to a survivor’s healing, providing shelter alone will not bring complete healing to them. We use Grace House to give the women we serve an example of how a functional living environment can work. We foster community and fellowship within the household, expose them to mentors and peer mentors, encourage them in all their steps to gain independence, and provide them with an array of support services to aid in their healing. At the end of the day, they have their housing needs met for up to two years, but at Grace House, shelter does not come without support and guidance.

Our team at AJP is constantly working to find solutions for all concerns that survivors face. Thank you for continuing to support us in meeting their needs with action.

written by Amanda Moon Ellevis

R. Kelly: Healing from DARVO

It is no secret that R Kelly's interview on CBS This Morning, where he discusses the sexual assault allegations made in the recent documentary series, Surviving R Kelly, was everything from suspicious to shocking. We saw him scream at the camera, wailing that his accusers are liars, burying him alive with their lies. We watched him lose his cool and not be able to calm down, even at the urging of his entourage. Though this kind of behavior is appalling to some, many survivors of sexual exploitation and other gender-based violence have experienced this abuse tactic first-hand. It is called DARVO, an acronym coined by Jennifer Freyd, Professor of Psychology at the University of Oregon.

DARVO, short for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender, is designed to confuse others on who is actually responsible for the abuse. While Kelly's reaction during his CBS interview cannot prove or disprove his innocence, many of us have seen this kind of behavior before and the kinds of outcomes it has brought others. The public has seen similar behavior in convicted serial killers and founders of cults. We have seen it in the media, when public figures are accused of wrongdoing, but instead of admitting any guilt whatsoever, they simply deny everything, and claim that they are the one being attacked, not the person they are accused of harming. The end result has the accused successfully playing the victim. It happens all the time, and often in far less public arenas.

Though we may not sit on the jury deciding R Kelly's fate, we can take this knowledge of DARVO and protect ourselves and others when we identify it. If we find ourselves in a personal relationship with someone who has confronted their Significant Other with a concern, but instead of having a civil discussion, their SO makes attacks to their character or aggressively plays the victim, we must identify this as high risk behavior and do what we can to separate our friend from their SO. If we are the ones receiving DARVO tactics from our SO or anyone in our lives, we must do our best to remove ourselves from the situation as soon as possible. Toxic, controlling behavior is one step away from domestic violence, and domestic violence can lead to deeper consequences, including exploitation.

Our team at Alabaster Jar Project provides trauma-informed services which help our survivor sisters heal from many forms of abuse. Psychological abuse is part of a variety of tactics used by traffickers, and it's often the hardest to overcome. “I left Grace House two years ago, and sometimes it's still hard to know when I can trust someone and when I shouldn't,” Michelle*, a graduate of our residential program, states. “When you've been hurt as badly as I have been, you don't want to trust anyone, even yourself.”

Because of this long-term reaction to sexual exploitation, we are sharing the Beyond Boundaries curriculum, by John Townsend, with participants at our support group. This way, our sisters can discuss trust in relationships in a safe environment with their peers. “I am learning how to set boundaries and recognize them in others,” Michelle says, “but also that boundaries need to be reevaluated as I go. I always want to be cautious, but I know I'm in a safer place now.”

Please pray for the continued healing of the women we serve. Though they all have come a long way, they are not strangers to tactics like DARVO. We constantly implement services that help them move forward with their recovery, and it takes lots of teamwork and prayer to follow through.

written by Amanda Moon Ellevis  

LBD Project - March 2019

Every year when March rolls around, advocates and allies of human trafficking survivors celebrate the Little Black Dress Project, or LBD project. Participants of this project are encouraged to wear one black item all month long, educate their circle about human trafficking when asked about this item, and help raise funds for the organizations that help those affected by trafficking.

We wear one black item all month long for a few reasons:

1. Our community uses this as a month long meditation, mindfully reflecting on those who are still affected by human trafficking while focusing on how we can solve some major issues surrounding the lives and circumstances of trafficked individuals.

2. Our reflection can be seen as a fast. Committing to wearing this item may slightly restricts our daily lives but is minimal in comparison to the suffering of those who are trafficked.

3. These items may draw attention to ourselves. When others ask why we are wearing the same item all month, we have more opportunities to share the LBD Project and explain that it is meant help heal the lives of those who are trafficked.

If you feel led to engage in this campaign, wear one black item every day for the rest of this month. This item can be a black bracelet, a pin, a scarf, or any item that you can easily wear every day. When others notice this item, share a fact about human trafficking with them, or tell them one way they can help those who are affected by it.

You can find lots of facts and resources to share about human trafficking in recent posts on this blog. It is important to remember that human trafficking takes place all over San Diego due to events like SD Comic Con, major sporting events, among many other contributing factors which unfortunately attract sex buyers and traffickers. Alabaster Jar Project continues to serve the survivors of your San Diego community with a unique variety of services in order to help them rebuild their lives and sustain their independence. Please visit our Crowdrise to make a donation in honor of this years LBD Project. Every little bit counts!

If you do participate in LBD this month, please take the time to snap a picture of your black item and share it with us on Facebook. We love seeing our community get involved in our mission. Thanks and good luck!

by Amanda Moon Ellevis

Ending Massage Parlor Exploitation

On February 22, 2019, Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots, was charged with soliciting prostitution from a massage parlor in Jupiter, Florida. Although the bust of the spa where Kraft was charged, along with several other spas in the surrounding towns, was successful in a) charging numerous sex buyers and b) acting as the tip of the iceberg to the associated international human trafficking investigation, our Survivor Advocate community at Alabaster Jar Project knows that this only confirms several tragic truths:

1. Sex trafficking is happening on US soil, even in affluent communities.

2. Buying sex has become more accessible with use of the internet, as the particular spa where the sting took place has several reviews on websites and apps like Yelp! which indicate that it provided adult services.

3. Countless survivors, like the women in Florida, are affected by tragedies like this and need help in rebuilding their lives

We don’t see this as another scandalous tabloid headline about the New England Patriots. We see the women who are affected, who were promised a better life and legitimate work, only to have their rights taken away and be forced into the adult industry against their will.

This case seems small when we realize that massage parlors involved in human trafficking can be found virtually anywhere in the United States, including one investigated last June in Poway. Sometimes we may even find ourselves driving past such places. We may wonder for a moment if our suspicions are valid, then get distracted with our lives and move on, because we have that benefit: We are able to move on with our lives while the women inside these spas perceive no safe options to leave exploitation.

Fortunately, there are many ways that everyone in our community can help end massage parlor trafficking. As suggested on websites like Polaris Project, our community can always:

1. Use political activism: We can call our city council members to let them know we want strong laws to prevent massage parlor trafficking and protect exploited women.

2. Use our media sources to shift attention to helping the women who are affected.

3. Share what you know: Never encourage “happy ending” jokes. Educate those in your circle about why massage parlor human trafficking is not a laughing matter.

4. Call the NHTRC Hotline Number and report suspicious activity 1-888-373-7888; your anonymous tip could help someone

By making small changes in our daily life, we can all take baby steps towards helping survivors of human trafficking and holding sex buyers and traffickers accountable for their crimes. When we all make these small changes, our entire community will evolve.

by Amanda Moon Ellevis

Help the Survivors in Your Community

In our community of survivors and survivor advocates, we host victories over sexual exploitation on a regular basis. As of February 2019, we are celebrating two one-year-anniversaries at our Grace House Residential Program, one six-month-anniversary at Grace House, one newly admitted Grace House Resident, and many other journeys of survivors who are sustaining their independent lives with help through our Resource Center. Thank you, readers and supporters, for being behind us in all the ways we serve our survivor sisters.

Though you may not be on the front lines of activism or recovery as our staff is, there are still many ways to aid us in our mission:

2nd Annual Golf Tournament

On Friday, March 22nd, our organization will host a golf tournament at the Rancho Bernardo Inn 18-Hole Championship Golf Course. Admissions range from $50-$135 with special prizes and packages available. Learn how to enroll as a participant or a sponsor here.

Donate Supplies

We welcome donated supplies for Grace House and our Resource center.  Items such as cleaning supplies, toilet paper, paper towels, laundry soap,  clothing, grocery store gift cards, and gift cards for incentives and rewards such as Starbucks, Target, Beauty Supply, haircuts, etc. If you would like to donate items, please contact us by emailing Info@AlabasterJarProject.org .

Educate YOUR Circle

Learn from the links and videos on our website or social media and share with your friends and neighbors. You can also schedule a presentation of one of our representatives for your business or group.  Contact us at Info@alabasterjarproject.org to schedule a speaker.

Please stay tuned to learn about more opportunities to help the women we serve by following us on Instagram and Facebook. By reading this weekly blog, you will also have a better idea of what our immediate and long-term needs may be.

Most importantly, we ask that you continue to pray for our Grace House Residents and all the women whom we serve. Recovering from human trafficking and sexual exploitation is not an easy path and there are many challenges that do not surface until a survivor is well on her way to independence. Please pray that our women stay strong and empowered and that our staff can continue to serve all of them in the best and most innovative ways.

by Amanda Moon Ellevis

Coercion

Though we still have a long road ahead of us, Alabaster Jar Project is blessed to be a part of the ongoing movement to fight human trafficking, where the activism in our community can move mountains, where women who initially were seeking support become a new support network for other survivors, where many of these women blossom into leaders of our community, and where San Diego and other affected populations are becoming more educated on how human trafficking occurs, where, why, and how they can help.

One issue that our survivor advocates sometimes find difficult to communicate to those who have never been sexually exploited is why those whom they could consider peers, who grew up alongside them, would enter exploitation and human trafficking. Unless we have had personal experiences with a manipulative or violent abuser, it may be difficult to understand why survivors would not only get involved in toxic situations but remain there once it’s clear how much danger they are in.

What is important to understand is that it is extremely rare for a woman to consciously, independently, and willingly pursue a career as a prostitute or adult industry worker. Because most women would not immediately walk away from their lives to do so, sex traffickers and exploiters have developed a carefully calculated process to lure women into their control. This intricate process can be encapsulated into one word: Coercion, or any scheme, plan or pattern intended to cause a person to believe that failure to perform an act would result in serious harm to or physical restraint against any person in their life.

Though violence is often the outcome of a trafficker’s abuse, many cases do not begin with physical force. “He said it would be like having an all-expenses-paid vacation,” Michelle*, a survivor, explains about her abuser. “And at first, it seemed like that was the case. We were in a different city every few days. We went to the beach, we went out for drinks, we went shopping... Who wouldn’t want to live like that?”

The only difference than having an actual vacation was that Michelle was expected to fund this lifestyle by working as an escort. Since this profession is extremely dangerous, it wasn’t long before she was confronted with violence. A few weeks in, Michelle was robbed by a sex buyer, but instead of consoling her, her abuser assaulted her. “He acted like it was my fault,” she says. “I felt stupid, and I was scared.”

Why would Michelle continue with sex work if she knew she was in such a violent situation? “He knew where my parents lived,” she explains. “He threatened to hurt them. He told me wherever I went, he would find me and punish me for leaving. Maybe he was bluffing, but I didn’t have any other options. He took all the money I made, and without him, I would be homeless.”

Though most abusers are violent, the strongholds they have on the  mind are often powerful enough to control her actions before the violence ever occurs. Even though many women may start off feeling like they are in control of their environment, or even feel that prostitution was their own independent decision, all freedom is taken away from them when they are forced to continue to be sexually exploited by threatening anything and everything in their world if they refuse.

After several years of abuse, Michelle was able to get into an emergency safehouse, then to our Grace House Residential Program, and now works full time in customer service where she is able to sustain her independent lifestyle. “I love support group!” she boasts of AJP’s weekly peer-led support group. “These ladies understand what some of my closest friends can’t. Where other friends see my weaknesses, they see strength.”

Alabaster Jar Project is constantly learning about the best and most innovative ways to serve women, like Michelle, who are affected by coercion and many other traumas that come from sexual exploitation. While it may be discouraging to learn about the tragedies our survivor sisters have faced, there are many ways to help them overcome their trauma and grow into empowered, independent women. Simply being educated -- by reading this blog and following us on Facebook for updates on our current opportunities to aid our mission -- is a great way for our supporters to begin fighting against human trafficking.

We thank you, our supporters, for taking the time to understand such a complicated issue. We know how difficult it can be to learn about human trafficking, as our doors are open daily to the women who survived all that Michelle has described, and more. There is still so much we all can do to help survivors, and our team at Alabaster Jar Project cannot have the impact we strive to have on their lives without your support.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.

written by Amanda Moon Ellevis

Become a Community Partner

Though we are not all in the line of work which allows us to directly aid the lives of the women who have survived human trafficking, there are many other ways everyone can empower them. We are firm believers in community partnership, where other individuals, organizations, and businesses can develop a relationship with us in which they can provide the women we serve with their own services or donations. To start off this new year, we would like to introduce to our supporters how their independent businesses can become community partners with Alabaster Jar Project.

Making your small business become a community partner with AJP involves creating a special arrangement with us where a portion of your revenue benefits our organization. We currently have several community partners in our hometown, San Diego. Here are some of the ways they are helping us:

Cute Cakes – Escondido, Ca

Cute Cakes is an independent bakery cafe located in Escondido of North County, San Diego, where friends can enjoy original homemade baked goods and hand-crafted cafe beverages. This month, you can support us by purchasing a Chai Latte Cake or their Cinnamon Bun Cupcake. Yum!

Painting with a Twist – San Diego, Ca

Painting with a Twist is an entertainment-based art class which encourages friends and groups to come out together and learn how to be the best painter they never thought they could be with a helpful staff of friendly, professional artists in a relaxed and fun environment. This January 21st through January 30th, you can support us by using the code JARPROJECT when you book an evening in their studio for their Painting with a Purpose event. 25% of all reservations with this code will support us.

If you are interested in becoming a community partner with us, please visit our website or contact us through our facebook page. We would love to share with you how your business can be a part of our mission!

If you are not a small business owner or service provider, we encourage you to participate in some of the fundraisers above as well as many others coming up this season, including the golf tournament next month in Rancho Bernardo.

As always, thank you for your prayers and support.

Written by Amanda Moon Ellevis

Human Trafficking in SD - Within the Boundaries of our Borders →

When our survivor advocate community members talk to fellow San Diegans about what a huge problem human trafficking is in our area, the response they receive is sometimes, “Oh yeah, with being so close to the border and all.” Although international human trafficking is very much a reality, we must not forget that sexual exploitation often happens within the boundaries of our borders.

Perhaps one of the most important issues to be aware of this Human Trafficking Awareness Month is that human trafficking is happening now, in San Diego, to women and children who were born and raised here, as were their abusers. Because of the fictional depictions of human trafficking in film and television that we are often exposed to, our public may be led to believe that all victims of trafficking abuse are kidnapped by force and subsequently encaged or chained, often in foreign countries. The more common scenario — a predator’s long-term coercion and indoctrination, based on targeting a victim’s vulnerabilities, and exploiting them for financial gain while feigning a personal or romantic relationship — is perhaps too close to home for many of us to believe. The more aware our community is of this truth, the more likely we are to correcting the problem, even in our own hometown.

Before we take the United States-Mexico border into consideration, here are a few factors that contribute to SD’s human trafficking epidemic:

San Diego, when compared to cities like Chicago, New York, and Los Angeles, is fairly new and newly developed. Although many San Diegans are crusading against it, law enforcement’s crack-down on prostitution in San Diego is pale in comparison to other major cities simply because we are fairly young. San Diego is also much smaller than many other major cities . Human traffickers sometimes see smaller metropolitan areas as great location opportunities to fly under the radar of police supervision.

There is a huge gap between the rich and the poor in SD. We are home to 1% communities like La Jolla as well as home to National City, where more than 20% of citizens live below the poverty line. In areas where there is that huge gap, prostitution tends to thrive.

San Diego is A) a convention center city who hosts SD Comic Con, B) home to several major sports teams, and C) we are a port city with several military bases. These are all factors that unfortunately attract sex buyers and sex traffickers.  (Gates, Carpenter)

The good news is that Alabaster Jar Project, like many groups in San Diego, is not only fighting to raise awareness about this issue in order to end it, but we are also striving to serve the women who have been affected by it and are seeking help. By offering our unique variety of services to restore, rehabilitate, and empower survivors of human trafficking and sexual exploitation, we are constantly providing more opportunities for them to live sustainable, independent lives. Please stay tuned to this blog and our FaceBook page to learn about our upcoming opportunities to help us in our mission to aid survivors. Thank you for your prayers and support.

written by Amanda Moon Ellevis

Sources cited from:

Gates, J., & Carpenter, A. (2016). The Nature and Extent of Gang Involvement in Sex Trafficking. San Diego: Point Loma Nazarene University; University of San Diego,

https://datausa.io/profile/geo/national-city-ca/

https://statisticalatlas.com/neighborhood/California/San-Diego/La-Jolla/Household-Income

http://www.citymayors.com/gratis/uscities_100.html

Cyntonia Brown

Imagine being told at sixteen years old that all you will ever amount to in life is to be a prostitute. Imagine that the person who told you this is the only person in your life whom you feel you can trust, and not only does he tell you this over and over until it becomes your inner manta, but all the struggles you have faced in your young life — being in and out of the foster care system, surviving early childhood abuse, having an undiagnosed learning disability which makes excelling in education very challenging, among many other adversities — lead you to believe this lie. Though up to this point, you have never had a stable, secure home life,  you now find yourself surrounded by crime and violence, both as a witness and as a victim, until violence becomes extraordinarily… Normal?

Unfortunately, this scenario is fairly common for survivors of human trafficking, and often, this tragedy can result in ruining the lives of many, not just the survivor herself. This is what happened to Cyntonia Brown. As you may have recently seen in the media, Cyntonia Brown, a survivor in Tennessee, had been convicted of murdering a sex buyer, was tried as an adult due to the severity of the crime, and was originally sentenced to 51 years in prison. This Monday marked a victory for Ms. Brown when the governor of Tennessee granted her clemency. She will be released on parole this August. 

While it may be difficult to empathize with any perpetrator of a violent crime, our survivor advocate community sees Ms. Brown first and foremost as a victim of lifelong abuse which climaxed when she was sold into sexual slavery in her teen years. We are committed to restoring, rehabilitating, and empowering survivors, and often their pasts echo Ms. Brown’s. Though we will never condone violence as the answer to their problems, it is difficult for us to vilify Cyntonia when we see first hand the pain and suffering that many women like her face. It is horrifying to watch victims of crimes become perpetrators of crimes and make decisions that cause permanent damage. We are praying this doesn’t happen again.

No one can undo what Ms. Brown has done by any means. What we can do is continue to serve the survivor community with our unique variety of services at Alabaster Jar Project, providing all sexual exploitation survivors with options to sustainable and independent lifestyles in the hopes of having less cases like Ms. Brown’s which result in violence and more victories that end in triumph and empowerment. What YOU can do is become a part of our mission by continuing to support us, so please stay tuned by following this blog and our facebook page for many upcoming opportunities to help the survivors of your community. Thank you for your prayers and support.

written by Amanda Moon Ellevis

Christmas for Survivors

December is here! During this time of year, it’s easy to get lost in the smell of pine trees and cinnamon, old familiar carols, and the joy of bundling up to weather the cold. Our team holds the special season as a promise of hope and peace that will carry us and the women we serve through the new year. Though many of us feel blessed by the festivities that come with this season, this can be a very difficult time of year for some, and survivors of human trafficking are no exception.

The majority of women who have been sex trafficked are exploited through the entire holiday season without any days off. Even after these women gain the courage to restore their lives in our rehabilitation program, they often find themselves consequently separated from their family, loved ones, and children. They may still bear these emotional scars from their trauma and find it hard to join in the festivities going on around them.

While still honoring the courageous steps they are taking to fight through their trauma, we make it a priority to make their Christmastime with us special and memorable. We do this in many ways. We host a yearly tree-decorating party at Grace House and make both Grace House and our Drop-In Resource Center festive, lively, and warm with the proper holiday trimmings. One of the most important things we do is we hold an annual Christmas party for all of our San Diego survivor community, not only inviting Grace House residents but also graduates of our program and other survivors who seek our services. We sing Christmas carols, enjoy a holiday meal, share gifts, and honor the fellowship which we strive so hard to foster.

If you would like to be a part of our survivor sisters’ holiday, we encourage you to message us on FaceBook where we can direct you to holiday volunteer opportunities including but not limited to gift giving and shopping for our survivor sisters’ Christmas wishes and those of their young children. As always, you are welcome to visit our donate page where donations of any size can contribute to making this holiday and new year special for our sisters. Though the holidays can be a difficult time to the community of survivors in San Diego, this is a great opportunity for us (and for you!) to help change their narrative from broken to loved and empowered, providing them with a sense of belonging, community, and family that they may have never experienced.

Thank you for your continued prayers for our survivor sisters this holiday season. We hope to make this their best Christmas yet!

written by Amanda Moon Ellevis

Depression: Mental Health for Survivors

When our survivor sisters take the first step in their recovery by leaving their abusers or unhealthy lifestyle behind, the battle is not over. In fact, it has barely begun. At our Grace House Residential Program, we have created a safe space for new survivors to deal with trauma in a healthy way, and though we’ve learned that a safe space is key to further development, there are many steps they must take towards success. When they take each step while dealing with debilitating set backs from their trauma, the road becomes rocky.

It’s no secret that human trafficking survivors face mental health issues, but it may be surprising to some how they affect the women we serve specifically. One of the common mental illnesses that our survivors face is depression. Although we all feel the blues from time to time, a clinical diagnosis of depression goes beyond feeling sad when a depressed patient’s low moods and motivation interferes with their daily life. They may feel helpless, hopeless, unable to focus on basic tasks, and ideate or even attempt suicide, which can make it hard to function at all.

Though trauma from sexual exploitation can be a main contributor to clinical depression, we have found that survivors can have this diagnosis before they are ever trafficked or exploited. We must look at why they enter any abusive lifestyle in the first place. Depression can be caused by many forms of trauma and pain, including poverty, early childhood abuse, struggles to fill their basic needs, loss of loved ones, and lack of a strong support system. All these factors and more can make anyone vulnerable, and when a depressed person already feels a sense of isolation from their community, they become an easy target for abusers.

This common case unfortunately leads to a cycle of depression: A clinically depressed woman without a strong support system who also suffers from financial setbacks can fall victim to exploitation, and the abuse they suffer from exploitation deepens their struggle with depression as they continue to be exploited in order to maintain their needs and a false sense of community and belonging. When these women take the first courageous step by leaving their abuser and unhealthy lifestyle to rebuild their life in our program, they are already long overdue for mental health services and need all the support they can get.

We strongly believe that in order to nurture healthy development, healing must start in the home environment. On top of providing all necessary referrals to mental health services and case management, we have created a safe space at our Grace House Residential Program where the women we serve are surrounded by mentors, healthy support, and do not have to worry about having their basic needs met. As they get all the necessary tools for healing, we have watched our survivor sisters grow from extremely traumatized victims of abuse to strong individuals who can then support each other and work with our team to nurture the safe atmosphere at Grace House. Although our method is effective, it is not always easy for trauma survivors, but when our goal is to restore, rehabilitate, and empower our sisters, we hold healing from depression and other mental illnesses as an important priority.

Please continue to pray for our women battling depression and other mental health diagnoses. We always strive to do our best to nurture a safe and healthy environment for them, and in spite of their struggles, our sisters are doing all they can to rebuild their lives.

written by Amanda Moon Ellevis

Online Auction - November 4-11

As we have previously announced, our online auction for this holiday season is offered through Charity Auctions Today and will be live from November 4th through the 11th. One hundred percent of the proceeds from this auction will benefit Alabaster Jar Project’s mission to restore, rehabilitate, and empower the lives of survivors of human trafficking in our San Diegan community. All of the items offered in this auction are exciting and valuable, consisting of a variety of luxury experiences that are great gift ideas for the upcoming holidays. Here are some of the highlights:

Food and Wine Weekend in Napa Valley with Winemaker

Enjoy a luxury weekend at a Napa winery with Tim Bacino, an Award-winning sixth generation winemaker. Included in this package are two farm-to-table dinners by renowned Napa chefs as well as two farm-to-table lunches, tours of the areas best wineries and barrel tastings as well as meetings with the area’s legendary wine-making elite, VIP status at Tim’s tasting room, VIP reception, VIP chauffeuring to and from the tasting rooms, and of course 3-nights stay at one of two of Napa’s finest resorts. The value of this package is estimated at $5,000 per guest.

Two Month All-Inclusive Membership to Curves (Women’s health club)

This two-month membership to Curves women’s health club includes 30-minute workouts designed to burn up to 500 calories using both strength training and aerobic exercises for two months, service fee, and specialized counseling in their Curves Complete program.

South African Safari Package for Two Hunters

The winners of this prize will enjoy six full days of safari hunting with their very own professional hunter in environments where ethical, legal, and sustainable hunting is practiced. Included with the expedition is luxury lodging with wifi, complete transportation from the hunt to the lodging, chef services for three meals per day, and much more.

Emerald Isle Executive Golf Course - Round of Golf for Two players

Offered here is a round of golf in an Oceanside golf course for two players. The course featured is an executive 18-hole playing field featuring championship quality greens and an all-grass driving range with instruction provided by PGA professionals.

Other prizes include:

$25 Senor Grubby’s Certificate

Dream Dinners Experience Package

One Month of Swim Lessons

One Hour Sports Medicine Fitness Training with Chris Capistran

Elite New Zealand Red Stag Hunting Package for Two

And much more. 

Save the date: Nov. 4-11th. We hope to see you participate!

written by Amanda Moon Ellevis

Here’s our Why: Four Big Reasons to Support Us

Because it takes many helping hands to implement all we do for the women we serve, we have spent the last few weeks sharing with you some of our upcoming fundraisers and donation opportunities. Next month marks both the start of our online auction at Charity Auctions Today,  where we will auction off donated items and use the funds for our mission, and Giving Tuesday, where your holiday donations can be matched by your employer and other businesses, including Facebook , which promises to match up to seven million dollars in donations this year. This week, we would like to share with you our why: Out of all the charities you can support, why should you support and donate to Alabaster Jar Project?

Alabaster Jar Project’s mission is to restore, rehabilitate, and empower the lives of survivors of human trafficking and sexual exploitation. We do this by implementing special services we have designed though partnering with survivors and using their expertise to promote the success of all the women we serve. This is never an easy road for survivors, so we provide them with all the necessary steps it takes to reach independence.

Here are some BIG reasons why you should support us:

1. Alabaster Jar Project provides a Drop-In Resource Center which is essential to the San Diegan community.The Center provides basic emergency services for survivors, including providing both fresh and non-perishable foods, second-hand clothing, baby items, hygiene items, and much needed referrals to medical attention and case management. We also use our Center to host meetings and groups, like our weekly support group where we provide a safe space for the survivors in our community to share in fellowship and support each other as they work towards recovery.

2. Our Grace House Residential Program produces successful graduates. The survivors who come into our housing program often come to us with major psychological disorders, substance abuse addictions, and without any income. We do all we can to make sure these women get back on track in spite of all their adversities and become productive, financially independent, and empowered members of society. Our residential program has a 93% success rate. 93% of the women we serve at Grace House either graduate our program or go on to pursue other programs continuing a healthy cycle of recovery. That’s a lot to be grateful for!

3. Alabaster Jar Project employs survivors. We have a small staff that is made of more than 50% of women who have survived sexual exploitation and trafficking. These women take on responsibilities including Grace House Residential management, social media management, client care, grant proposal writing, support group facilitation, and marketing and journalistic services. We believe that by providing our survivor sisters with both income opportunities and leadership roles, we can not only ensure that our Grace House residents can get a head start on the path to independence, but they are also provided with expert advice on the successful rehabilitation, restoration, and empowerment of new survivors.

4. Alabaster Jar Project empowers the survivor voice. Our personnel consults regularly with survivor leaders, including Autumn Burris and Marjorie Saylor, whom we hold as experts in rehabilitation from human trafficking and sexual exploitation. We also firmly believe in feedback from our program participants and host evaluations from all clients every 90 days. We believe that by consulting with the women we serve and our own survivor leaders, we can provide the best services possible in the best possible ways.

Recovery from sexual exploitation is not an easy path, and we cannot facilitate it without all our survivor sister’s hard work in our program. We simply provide them with the stepping stones for them to reach empowerment, independence, and the chance at living their best life. Please consider our organization during this season of giving. We are doing all we can to help our San Diegan survivor community

Season of Giving

The holidays are approaching. We have some exciting things in store to help our organization’s efforts in empowering the lives of survivors, and YOU are invited! 

As we have said before, Giving Tuesday is an opportunity for you to sponsor us directly. On this day, many employers and businesses will match your donations to us as we are registered on the Giving Tuesday website: https://www.givingtuesday.org/. This is a great way to get yourself into the giving spirit of the holidays and  impact the women we serve.

We are also excited to announce our online silent auction at Charity Auctions Today from November 4th through November 11th. You can view our page on the website by clicking here . We are auctioning some awesome prizes, including luxury hotel stays with couples’ massages and all inclusive winery experiences, exotic hunting packages, gym memberships, and much more. Not only is this a fun way to be a part of our mission, and not only are some of these prizes great gift ideas for loved ones on the upcoming holidays, but by participating in our auction, you can directly impact the lives of our survivor sisters. We will provide you with a more in depth look at the prizes and the auction itself in the upcoming weeks. Save the date! November 4-11.

Visit  the “donate” link on our official website. We list several small and several large recurring donations you can make to match the needs of our survivors, ranging from $20 for basic daily needs to $2,000 for full monthly sponsorship. Every amount of help you can give, be it in the form of monthly donations or a one-time donation to our holiday fundraisers, has the potential to make a huge impact on the lives of survivors in our own San Diegan community.

Thank you for your continued support in our efforts to restore, rehabilitate, and empower survivors of human trafficking and sexual exploitation. Our women are always working hard to rebuild their lives. It is a blessing to serve them, and we can’t do it without your partnership.

Survivor Update

Through both their triumphs and their struggles, our survivor sisters inspire us by continuing to persevere, pushing towards all that life has to offer them in becoming independent, strong women who are completely self-sufficient. The residents of Grace House, our long-term housing program, have the opportunity to get themselves on a fast track to independence, and all of them are working hard to achieve their goals. Here are some of the highlights:

1. One of our survivor sisters is in the process of completing classes in order to obtain her high school diploma. She is taking general education courses at the local community college and is also taking a hip-hop dance class where she is excelling. Physical education can be extremely beneficial to a survivor’s healing, and the joy this class brings her is shared by all of us on her team.
2. Our newest Grace House resident arrived at the end of August and is on fire for her recovery! She is enrolled in an outpatient program where she receives group counseling on a daily basis as well as one-on-one counseling. This is a great start to her time at Grace House and she continues to exhibit a positive attitude towards her rehabilitation.
3. One of our Grace House residents has taken advantage of our Broken to Beautiful program where we take broken or damaged jewelry and allow our women to refurbish it into completely new, original works of art. She has truly excelled in her craft and makes beautiful pieces that are available for purchase. Not only is crafting a therapeutic activity for her, but this also has the potential to be a business opportunity. Not every survivor is a good candidate for a traditional nine-to-five job because of the strong aftereffects of their trauma, so our hope is that this can eventually provide her with a sustainable income which can put her one the path to independence.
4. We are happy to report that one of our Grace House residents has successfully graduated from our program and is doing well in her new home with her new job. We are so blessed that she was able to complete our program and is now in a great position to use all the necessary skills she has learned from us. We will certainly miss her, but we are grateful to see her walk in faith in her independent journey.

Though we are very proud of all that our women have accomplished, we recognize the struggles they face as well. Through all their achievements, our women are still battling depression, anxiety, and the overwhelming symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We invite you to pray for them and their health, as our newest resident still does not have health insurance. This is a great opportunity for them to take the necessary steps to self fulfillment, so any prayers for their recovery will be greatly appreciated.

We are so grateful for your support in each of our survivor sisters’ unique journeys. Though each path is completely different from the next, all of the women we serve continue to work their recovery with the same amount of drive, effort, and hope. We can’t wait to update you again soon!

Update: Project SEEN, September 2018

A few weeks ago, we promised an update on Project SEEN, a collaborative creative expression class presented by Shyne San Diego, where survivors are invited to share their talents and business ideas with the goal of changing the narrative surrounding sexual exploitation from broken to remarkable. We are proud to report that SEEN has completed two four-session courses and the women have unleashed some ambitious endeavors that prove to be potential business opportunities. As the number one issue that SEEN addresses is the need to earn income, especially because survivors often suffer from financial abuse, the course has inspired the women to start their own businesses and take other steps towards becoming self sufficient.

Cynthia Luvlee, CEO of Shyne San Diego who’s brainchild is Project SEEN, has a unique vision for survivor collaboration and rehabilitation. As the host of the project and head of the business portion of the class, Luvlee has witnessed first-hand how the class has affected its participants. “The way that I’ve seen it affect them is connection to possibility,” she states. “They have really grown, come out of their shell, being more expressive, creative. Part of what we do is we foster a group that is safe.” Not only does SEEN inspire survivors to set goals and achieve them, it also assists Alabaster Jar Project with fostering a close-knit group of survivors who support each other where their voices can be heard and understood.

As we reported before, SEEN is a four-part class where they are mentored in their creative endeavors by Bethany Kelly, a professional publisher and author,  Michelle Zousmer, a humanitarian photographer, and Luvlee herself, who specializes in business. The course is freeform and allows for the women to take the class in the direction they choose in order to work towards their goals.

The women who have participated in Project SEEN are on the path to achieve a variety of goals, including photography and photo editing, jewelry making, biography composition, spoken word, and a number of other business ventures. This is a great opportunity for women in our program and other survivors to gain professional expertise in order to pursue their dreams and take important steps towards independence.  “When we look at survivor issues, we address at the core that they can be independent successful business women,” Luvlee declared. “That’s the greatest barrier on freedom.”

Project SEEN will have a public showcase at the end of the year where the women’s work, unique business services, and talent endeavors will be available for exhibition and sale. We can’t wait to update you again soon on the progress of Project Seen participants, their event, and their projects.