Survivor Leadership

Alabaster Jar Project’s mission is to empower survivors of trafficking, but perhaps what sets us apart from other organizations is our goal to someday be fully survivor-led and operated. We firmly believe that the best person to help new survivors is someone who has overcome exploitation themselves and is now settled on their path in recovery. As it stands, 70% of our staff are survivors themselves.  

We have received feedback from many Grace House Residents that seeing survivors in professional roles all throughout their recovery team makes one more confident in their own recovery. As you can imagine, it is inspiring to see someone overcome what you are working through and go on to have careers and happy lives. Grace House Residents can truly believe that recovery is possible, as they see many different examples in their day-to-day program. 

Being survivor-led does not come without its own share of challenges. Most survivors come into recovery with complex PTSD, an invisible illness that can cause panic attacks, intrusive memories, paranoia, hypervigilance, and stress management issues. What is worse is that many survivors have never had positive employment experiences, which can leave them exposed to more vulnerabilities than other young professionals may experience. However, it is clear to us that being a survivor of exploitation also brings its own set of strengths! Survivor leaders at AJP are all resilient problem-solvers, who are particularly empathetic to the needs of new survivors. We take their strengths as professionals and build upon them with careful supervision and 40 hours of required training provided by the Office for Victims of Crime, a nationally recognized organization. The end result is that we provide a clear pathway out of exploitation, not just for those served at Grace House, but for those serving Grace House, and hopefully many more to come.  

We believe in survivor employment so strongly that we have been working hard at creating a social enterprise where survivors at Grace House can gain positive employment history and experience while they are mastering their recovery. This program focus is small, but growing. You can shop our line of bath and body products at: alabasterjarproject.org/shop 

Empowering survivors takes many helping hands and a variety of areas of expertise. We are very proud of our team of survivor professionals! Not only do they make our organization unique—they make it stronger. To support survivor employment, please visit our website. 

The Real Girls Next Door

The following blog entry is an anonymous narrative submitted by a survivor of trafficking and former Grace House Resident. 

Like many young girls in the early 2000s, I loved reality television and watched The Girls Next Door religiously. The lives of Holly, Bridget, and Kendra, the three girlfriends of Playboy Executive, Hugh Hefner, seemed really glamorous and exciting. They lived in a beautiful home with butlers and maids. They had a 24-hour kitchen with personal chefs. They had their own makeup artists and hairstylists and always went shopping together. They went on amazing dates to fancy restaurants and nightclubs. Their boyfriend, “Hef,” did lots of charity work, loved animals, and seemed old fashioned compared to the adult nature of his line of business. The fact that the girls were nude models was secondary to the fact that they lived a really enchanted life.  

It’s heartbreaking now, in 2022, to learn about all the details that the show didn’t depict. We didn’t know about the mandatory sex parties. We didn’t know about the revenge porn. We didn’t even know that it wasn’t a choice whether or not the girls were going to appear on that show, but now it seems obvious why: The Girls Next Door was Playboy’s way of presenting a wholesome image to the public, when the reality was drastically more exploitative than anyone on the outside knew.  

Again, I was heavily influenced by this show, and it did normalize a few twisted ideals to me at an impressionable age. For one, the cast’s polyamorous relationship made me think it was normal for my boyfriend to have other girlfriends, as was very common in sexual exploitation settings. Most significantly, it led me to believe that the sex industry was fun and cool and glamorous. As a young adult when I was trafficked, I didn’t realize how deep I was in exploitation, because I had seen a clear example of a boyfriend who exploited his girlfriends’ sexuality for profit, and it seemed consensual and, well, normal. Weren’t the girls benefitting from the relationship, too?  

However, many survivors whom I have met through Grace House, and other groups in San Diego, will tell you that the sex industry is not glamorous. Maybe moments of it can seem exciting and intriguing at first, but often what follows is violence, addiction and other unhealthy coping habits, and post-traumatic stress. If you are lucky enough to escape with your life, you will still spend many years looking over your shoulder, or trying to undo toxic ways of thinking that can cause most people problems functioning in everyday life. Even in the case of Holly Madison, it is interesting that she waited to do this docuseries until after Hugh Hefner has passed away. To me, that means that she was fearful of him or his power, or that she was actually aggressively intimidated to keep quiet.  

To put the sex industry into perspective, it is helpful to look at the facts: 

1. 75% of survivors have attempted suicide at least once in their lifetime.* Madison has described a few different incidences of suicide ideation while living in the Playboy Mansion.  

2. 39% of sexually exploited individuals were recruited by an intimate partner.* Madison herself developed a romantic relationship with Hefner long before she appeared in Playboy or was subjected to revenge porn.  

3. The sex industry is an extremely lucrative business. In San Diego alone, profits from illegal sex acts can reach as high as $810 million per year. ** This shows that there is a significant motivation to coerce one or many into sexual exploitation.  

I do not fault Holly, Bridget, or Kendra for this at all. To me, they are also survivors of sexual exploitation and were doing what they had to do to keep their heads above water in a toxic environment. It just goes to show that whenever the sex industry presents itself as wholesome or glamorous, we should always take it with a grain of salt, for there is so much we don’t see.  

Sources:  

* From PolarisProject.org 

** From The Nature and Extent of Gang Involvement in Sex Trafficking in San Diego County, by Ami Carpenter, PhD, and Jamie Gates, PhD, Point Loma Nazarene University Center for Justice Reform, 2019. 

Social Media Procedures

If you are reading this blog, it is highly likely that you follow Alabaster Jar Project on social media. On our Facebook and Instagram, we share with you all the accomplishments of survivors in our community as well as ways to get involved in their recovery. 

However, what you’ll never see on our social media are the names or faces of the women we serve. You might have noticed survivors being depicted from behind their head, and you might have noticed that we change the names of survivors who share a written testimony. Why can’t we reveal the identities of survivors, especially those currently living in our residential program?  

We protect the anonymity of survivors in our community for a number of reasons: 

1. Survivors who are currently at Grace House are escaping life-threatening situations. It is dangerous for their identity or location to be shared. Even mentioning who lives at Grace House can be dangerous. 

2. Survivors at Grace House are often in crisis, meaning that this is the hardest time in their entire life. They deserve ample amounts of privacy and autonomy while they are working through this. 

3. Survivors at Grace House have been deeply exploited. Using their identity for any purpose other than through their own will, on their terms, could be considered exploitative. 

Imagine going through the hardest season of your life, and someone exposes your struggle for the world to see. Imagine how that could be hurtful, or even dangerous! We take the safety of survivors, especially those living with us at Grace House, extremely seriously. Instead of sharing any names, faces, or identifiable details of survivors whom we are serving, we do the following:  

1. We share false names as placeholders for their true identity. 

2. We depict survivors from the back or in a way that their face is not shown. 

3. We may use stock images of women when sharing about survivors on social media. 

4. We train all staff and volunteers in trauma-informed care, ensuring that they never share any pictures of survivor residents at Grace House. 

By the time the survivor has reached Graduation and has left Grace House, it becomes their choice whether or not they want to share their testimony. This can be done in several different ways. Most often, they write a personal anonymous statement about their recovery and what has helped them reach independence. Sometimes survivors choose to share their story on camera. In this case, they are properly compensated for their time, and they have the option to still hide their identity, by either changing their name, or being depicted without showing their face.  

Those of you who have supported us for a long time know how involved you can be in a survivor’s healing WITHOUT knowing who they are or what they look like. That’s not what matters most in their recovery. What matters most is the healing that takes place inside their heart. 

Your Impact Matters

Sometimes we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. Human trafficking is a global issue with millions of victims affected every year. We don’t always feel like we can individually make a difference and find a solution to what has damaged countless lives. 

Through the efforts of organizations like Alabaster Jar Project, there is hope. And YOU are a part of that hope! 

Fighting trafficking can take the time, effort, and the support of an entire community. Our organization began as a small church ministry. Members of the church had the same heart for survivors as you did, so they took steps to serve survivors here in San Diego. We delivered emergency supplies to survivors from the trunks of our cars. Some of these supplies were donated from people like you! All the while, we did our best to raise money to expand our services, by hosting events to which many of you came. Through these efforts, we were able to open an apartment and a Drop In Resource Center. Then, in 2016, we began renting a home to provide long-term housing for survivors of trafficking.  

In addition to participating in our events, it does not go unrecognized when many of you donate your time and skills. As we are still a growing organization, many key positions at AJP are held by volunteers in our community. Volunteers act as tutors for Grace House students, career counselors, repairmen, volunteer coordinators, grant writers, and many more important roles, not to mention everyone who comes out to several “serve-days” we host every year. 

Now we are at the threshold of some very important goals. We are still working towards providing positive employment to Grace House Residents through Restore Body Care products, and we also have closed escrow on a permanent home for Grace House. We did not do that alone! Thank you to everyone who came together to make this happen, and who are continuing to help prepare the house for Grace House Residents to move in, and raise funding to own the home outright. 

We share with you about our humble beginnings, all the way to the present day, in order to recognize YOU for being a part of that. As we always say, we couldn’t have done all of that work without you, and we continue to thrive because of your support. Every time you show up to our events, share about us, give, donate your time... You are making a difference in the lives of survivors. Alabaster Jar Project is a community effort. YOU are Alabaster Jar Project. 

Peer Support

“Since I have graduated from Grace House, I have surprised myself with what I have been able to accomplish. I am in my second year of college with a 4.0, I have what is hopefully my first of many writing jobs, I’ve written two books, and am continuing to sustain a healthy relationship with my boyfriend. They say “It works if you work it,” and they are right!  

“It is a far cry from where I was eight or nine years ago, when I was vulnerable to exploitation. I was crashing on couches, trying desperately to make my dreams come true of becoming a successful, professional musician. Although I had a small but faithful following, I felt very lost and out of control. 

“Unfortunately, the independent music scene can be very competitive and “cut-throat,” and at the time, the people who supported me were far and few between the people who ended up using me for their own careers. I was at such a low place that when a man coerced me into exploitation, I was eager to listen to him. False promises of networking, good company, and a glamorous lifestyle were very enticing at the time. However, after all was said and done, I was left homeless, jobless, and with my mental health worse than it was before. Today, it is hard for me to imagine how easy it was for me to listen to someone I didn’t really know, but not only did I listen — I completely changed my entire life just to be a part of his. I had to ask myself, “What was missing then, that is helping my life now?” 

“The other day it occurred to me: I didn’t need support from my parents. I didn’t need people taking care of me. I needed respect and support from my peers.  I needed encouragement and a common ground from people like me. Validation and acceptance from likeminded people were the missing ingredients to my self-actualization. Had I had the friendships and support that I have now through Alabaster Jar Project, things may have been very different for me. 

“Anyone who has been a part of our weekly peer support group knows how much all of us survivors genuinely love and care about each other. On top of that, when the majority of staff members are survivors themselves, you have people who understand you there to help you. This is why AJP has such a high success rate. They are more than a recovery program; they have fostered a community so people like me never go seeking support from somewhere other than like minds. The friends I have met through Alabaster Jar project will remain my friends for life. When I have good news, they are there to celebrate. When things aren’t so good, they’re there to listen. As long as AJP is in operation, I will be a giver AND receiver in their strong circle of peer support.” 

-Anonymous Survivor 

A Permanent Home for Grace House

Our team at Alabaster Jar Project is in the process of purchasing a permanent home for Grace House. For the past several years, we have been renting a four-bedroom home in a safe, confidential location, and although we are grateful to be able to house up to six survivors through the rental property, there are numerous reasons why owning a home for Grace House is very beneficial, not just to our organization but to all the survivors whom we serve. 

 
Reason #1: It adds value to the organization as a whole 

Owning a property for Grace House is one way we can attribute more funding to survivor needs. Currently, a significant portion of our operational monthly costs goes towards rent. If we are in the position to pay off a permanent property, we can put the costs we formerly put towards rent or mortgage directly to supporting other survivor needs and hopefully expand our services.  

Reason #2: It provides stability to our clients 

Owning a property for Grace House would provide stability to Grace House Survivor Residents. Knowing that the home is at a permanent location can give them the safety and security that they never had in trafficking abuse settings. Building their new lives, free from exploitation and around their recovery home, will give them a sense of stability, security, and safety. 

Reason #3: It shows that we are growing as a sustainable organization 

Since our inception in 2014, we have grown immensely as an organization, all while serving many survivors of trafficking through our Drop In Resource Center and providing long-term housing through Grace House. Owning a permanent home for Grace House is our next step in providing top notch care for survivors of trafficking. It will improve the lives of survivors as well as improve our structure as an organization. 

Our mission to empower survivors of trafficking takes many helping hands. Each person in our community who reaches out to help can truly make a difference. To support our goal of owning a permanent home for Grace House, please visit:  

https://www.alabasterjarproject.org/donate 

The Resource Center is NOW OPEN for IN-PERSON Groups!

In-Person Groups are BACK! 

Alabaster Jar Project’s Resource Center is now open for virtual and IN-PERSON groups! All groups are catered to the various healing journeys that human trafficking and sexual exploitation survivors go through. Whether you are dealing with addiction and maintaining sobriety, or the emotional trauma that comes with trafficking and exploitation, we are now offering groups that will serve you in person at the Resource Center or online through video conferencing. 

Boundaries: Mondays 9:45 am to 11 am 

Blurb: As survivors, we sometimes have a difficult time setting boundaries in the workplace, in romantic relationships, and other areas of our lives. Learn what your boundaries are, how to set them in a variety of situations, and how to respect the boundaries of others. Although the materials for this group come from a Christian perspective, all faiths are welcome. This group is led by Juliana Rakestraw.  

12 Steps and Relapse Prevention: Mondays 1:30 pm to 2:30 pm 

This group is designed to give you the necessary tools to prevent a potential drug or alcohol relapse, although some of the material can apply to other addictions. Kathi Hardy has worked her sobriety for decades and can help give you a clear-cut plan to stay sober in the toughest situations. 

Sexual Exploitation Survivor Workshop: Thursdays 3 pm to 4 pm  

Come to this group to create an action plan to stay out of exploitation and live your best life. This group focuses on coping skills for emotional issues related to PTSD that you may experience as a result of exploitation. It also will help you explore career paths and give you a step-by-step guide to achieve all the goals you set for yourself. This group is led by Amanda Moon Elleivs, survivor leader and author of this curriculum.  

Survivors THRIVE Support Group: Thursdays 4 pm to 6 pm 

Survivors of Prostitution, Stripping, Pornography, Sex Trafficking are Welcome! Join this very special weekly group to share in fellowship with other survivors. Group is from 4-6 with a dinner provided afterwards. This group is co-facilitated by Kim Brown and Marjorie Saylor, survivor staff at AJP. 

Sex & the Sober Alcoholic: Fridays 11am to 1pm – Every other week  

Let’s face it: Romantic relationships are a lot different when you are clean, sober, and free from addictive behaviors. Kathi Hardy, survivor leader and US Veteran, will help you navigate relationships during sobriety in a way that works for you. 

# # # 

At this time, ALL workshops and groups provided at the Resource Center are led by survivors. Come and receive peer support from those of us who have been through similar paths towards recovery. In addition, survivors who attend in-person group can “shop” at our boutique after each group, where we have a variety of items ranging from clothes, jewelry, toiletries, make up, baby needs, and pantry items.  

To book a spot in the available groups, please contact Marjorie Saylor at marjorie@alabasterjarproject.org

Survivors With Eating Disorders

Survivors of trafficking and sexual exploitation face all sorts of adversities when it comes to their healing, and every survivor’s story is different. Some survivors battle addiction, and healing that part of their life becomes their building blocks to get well-rounded healing. Some survivors battle mental health issues, early childhood trauma, or damaged family relationships. One thing we have seen in our time serving survivors is that many survivors battle eating disorders.  

There are some obvious and some not-so-obvious reasons why survivors of trafficking would develop eating disorders, or EDs. Many survivors who develop EDs feel an overwhelming pressure to keep their weight down and look thin. When their income in exploitation is directly affected by who is attracted to them, some survivors would do anything to be able to keep working. Sometimes that involves obsessing over their weight, which leads to taking extreme measures to control it. Eating Disorder behaviors are then introduced, and before long, they become exasperated. 

But what a lot of people don’t understand about eating disorders is that its not just about how you look. Eating disorders are almost equally about control. Many people who have EDs have a low perceived amount of control over their lives, and often the one thing they know they can control is how much they eat and how much they weigh.  

Under the control of their exploiter, survivors often must manage their own exploitation, suffering an endless cycle of sexual abuse. They also face the pressure of avoiding law enforcement, having little to no contact with their loved ones, pressures to bring in more and more money to avoid repercussions from their exploiter, mental health and addiction issues, and being separated from their children. It is certainly understandable that survivors might feel that they have no control over their lives whatsoever, so they turn to ED behaviors to have control over a tiny fraction of their lives. Then, their ED is not about their weight – it's about their lives being out of control. It is about being in control of the one thing that no one else can control for them – their food.  

Our trauma-informed staff understands that eating disorders are a psychological issue that should be treated with as much care as any other mental health condition survivors may have. We do what we can to advocate for survivors within the home as well as give survivors with EDs referrals to clinics that specialize in eating disorders. We are constantly learning more about each adversity survivors may face and continue to foster a safe environment for them to thrive, no matter what life has thrown at them. Because we know that eating disorders are often about having some control in out-of-control situations, we put clear steps on survivors’ paths so that they can have more independence in their lives.  

Does Sex Sell?

When people say “sex sells” — they don’t mean you will become successful from sex. It is simply a marketing tool used to manipulate vulnerable people in an overly sexualized world, men and women, and all genders and orientations alike.

When you see successful musicians use sex to enhance their music and reference sex work in their lyrics and performances, it’s important to ask yourself, “What made them successful?” Was it the sex work or was it their music?

The majority of survivors of the sex industry whom I have met did not exist in that world to empower themselves. Maybe it was initially something new and different, but in the long run, they stayed there out of desperation. The sex industry always has the potential to ruin lives. In fact, it thrives on that particular aspect: The more lives that are ruined, the more desperate individuals become, which makes them easier to exploit.

Sex sells, but so does vulnerability, desperation, helplessness, ego, insecurity... the list goes on.

By Amanda Moon Ellevis

AAPI (Asian American and Pacific Islander) Survivors

The following is a message to our followers from an Asian American Survivor whom we serve, in response to the recent shootings in Atlanta:  

Ever since the massage parlor shootings a few days ago, numerous people have asked me, as an Asian American woman and survivor of trafficking how I “felt” about those current events.  Obviously it has been very painful, angering, and a little scary. Scratch that, it has been VERY scary. I don’t like to share many details about my history in exploitation, because it’s pretty sad and I have family who follow this page, but the more I hear, the more I feel like I need to speak up. Who knows, maybe this narrative will help you heal.  

CW: Sexual Exploitation, Anti-Asian Racism 

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When I was trafficked, johns/tricks would call me up and say, “I’m calling about the Asian.” They wouldn’t say “the Asian girl” or “the woman in the ads.”... I was simply “the Asian.” It happened a lot. I started to lose the sense that I was a person, slowly but surely.  I think there’s also an understanding that most Asian women on adult websites are not there by choice, so I learned quickly that any dehumanization of sexually exploited women is intensified if you’re not white.   
 

To my exploiter’s friends, I was known as “the Asian b*tch.” Not as my name, not as my stage name. Not even as a person. I was a possession classified by my race.  
 

The truth is that as most people remind me, I look white enough that I have to go out of my way to identify as an Asian American woman, and I could only imagine how much harsher it would be to have complete strangers harass me in the street about my race, as so many people have shared on social media. Imagining that someone would target me, not only because I was exploited, but also because of my cultural identity, for a mass murder? It’s hard to take.  

At my first recovery home, I shared the house with three Asian survivors who were all trafficked through massage parlors. They were brought to this country with false promises of marriage, employment, and citizenship. Once they entered the massage circuit, they were blackmailed into unpaid labor. I remember one girl told me that her female trafficker told her, “I know who you are, I know where your family lives, and if you try to leave, I will have your father killed and I will break your legs. If you still get away, I will call the police and have you deported.” I say this now so if you or someone you love frequent illicit massage parlors, please think twice. Is it is worth the risk of being served by someone who is not there by choice?  
 

Ask yourself, if our public knows that most illicit massage parlor workers are there against their will, without documentation, without being allowed to learn English, without breaks, without pay, why are there more than 3,000 #illicitmassageparlors located in California alone? Why do people continue to attend them? Why are we turning a blind eye? 
 

Just some things to think about. 

Domestic Violence and Human Trafficking

If you have followed this blog for any length of time, you would know that human trafficking is an issue that is close to home for San Diego. Human trafficking is happening right here, right now, in San Diego county, and San Diego residents are buying and selling other San Diego residents. Though film and television often portray human trafficking as a violent crime happening in other countries, you are probably walking among survivors of trafficking every day.  

Many survivors will tell you that they were not trafficked by strangers whom they didn’t know, but rather they were trafficked by relatives or romantic partners. And while we may like to think of trafficking and domestic violence as completely separate issues, there are many cases of trafficking arising from domestic violence situations.  

“I had to quit my job to move in with my boyfriend because he lived outside of my hometown,” shares one survivor, “but we needed money. He suggested that I try to go into escorting to supplement our income. At the time, it made sense and did not seem like a big deal. But after a while, it felt like all I was doing was going from hotel to hotel, and my boyfriend turned into a full-blown pimp. He became violent and I was scared, but I was so ashamed of what I was doing that it took me a long time to seek help.” 

Because there is such a stigma surrounding trafficking, many survivors do not identify themselves as survivors, and they miss out on specialized healing that they truly need. To add insult to injury, many Domestic Violence shelters cannot accept trafficking survivors, even if they were victims of domestic violence within their trafficking relationship. With only a handful of shelter beds available to trafficking survivors in San Diego County, these women are often forced to stay in trafficking situations much longer than it is safe for them to do so. 

As a community, we can help by speaking up. When we hear our friends or loved ones tell us something about their relationship that doesn’t sound right, chances are that something is not right. Red flags we should watch out for are: a) If they tell us that their partner convinced them to do anything they don’t want to do, b) If they mention escorting to supplement their income, or c) if they mention that their partner has convinced them to start webcam modeling. Often that behavior, even if it seems as harmless as webcamming, escalates into more dangerous behavior down the road. But, please remember that it is not safe to rescue survivors of trafficking on your own. However, as their loved one, you can guide them to safety with your words and understanding.  

If you, yourself, find that you are in a situation that you are not comfortable in with your romantic partner, and you are afraid that this may escalate into sexual exploitation, please call the National Human Trafficking Hotline at (888) 373-7888. There you will be directed to services tailored to your need, and hopefully can be referred to our program. 

Thank you for taking the time to learn about this complex issue. Supporting our organization means that you are supporting long-lasting healing for survivors of trafficking here in your town of San Diego County. 

2020 - End of Year Newsletter

Happy New Year from our team at Alabaster Jar Project and our survivor sisters at Grace House! In spite of the Coronavirus Pandemic, we have accomplished so much this year. We especially want to thank YOU for being a part of our mission to restore, rehabilitate, and empower survivors of human trafficking and sexual exploitation. What you do means so much to us, so we are happy to share how your contributions and support have helped survivors this year. 

We started off the year very optimistic. Because of a generous grant donation from The San Diego Foundation, we were able to hire on a few new survivors to our staff. Seasoned survivor leaders have taken many positions in our small organization, including grant writing, group therapy facilitation, house managers, and social media management. When you support Alabaster Jar Project, you are not only supporting the survivors at Grace House; you are also supporting survivor leadership and employment.  

By late March, we had made a lot of changes to keep the survivors we serve safe from Coronavirus. Our Drop-In Resource Center closed for drop in. Instead, we made deliveries to survivors in need. These deliveries included toiletries, nonperishable food, toilet paper, and clothing if needed. At Grace House, we reserved one room for potential new residents to quarantine in for two weeks before moving into the resident bedrooms. Survivor Support Group, and the majority of group classes taken by GH Residents, moved online to Zoom-style video calling. The survivor residents, and other survivors whom we serve, adapted to all of this with ease, leading us all to believe that we can learn a thing or two from survivors of trafficking. 

This May, we an unfortunate loss in our survivor community. A survivor who had been attending support group for years sadly lost her battle with addiction. This will forever change our community, as she was loved by all of us. We miss her so much, and because of this loss, we have committed to promoting unity for our survivor sisters, in every way possible with the ramifications of Covid-19.

In June, with several accounts of POC being killed in altercations with law enforcement that were covered in the media and the celebration of Juneteenth, our staff solemnly reflected on the struggles that survivors of color, in particular, face when it comes to getting out of the horrendous cycle of trafficking and exploitation.  

In late June through early July, we had two new residents move into Grace House, so thank you for your prayers for them, as they have both continued their program and are moving through their “phases” diligently. We also celebrated the High School Graduation of the GH Resident who has been with us the longest. Since she was doing school online and wouldn’t get a formal graduation ceremony, we threw an impromptu ceremony and party for her at Grace House. We are so proud of her! 

Our Annual Golf Tournament was postponed to this August. Even with all the changes due to Coronavirus, we had a very successful turnout. We raised a net total of over $30,000! Thank you to all who attended, and to those of you who didn’t attend in person but participated in the fundraiser virtually. 

By September, three of the GH Residents were enrolled in school, all on virtual platforms. We also celebrated one resident finally getting off of probation, which is a huge deal for her, especially when it comes to her independence. Later that month, one resident began family counseling to repair her relationship with her children.  

October marked our Annual Fall Fundraiser. This year, we held our first virtual fundraiser with the help of Pastor Nate Alcorn, Professor Jamie Gates, musical guest Jackie Foster, NBC7’s Monica Dean, and special appearances by our survivor staff members. We raised over $40,000! Thank you so much to all who participated.  

This Fall also marked the third anniversary of when our first GH Graduate moved in to her very first apartment on her own. Watching her live a full life beyond exploitation is such a joy to us and an inspiration to the survivors currently residing at Grace House. Your support truly facilitates long-lasting independence for survivors. 

For Christmas, volunteers, supporters, and donors really came through for the survivors we serve. A local women's group donated stockings for the women we serve, while many other local supporters volunteered to put together Christmas gifts and packages for them. It is so heartwarming to see how our community can come together for those in our community that need it the most. 

We have lots of hope for this next year, and a lot to look forward to. Because of you, we could keep our Grace House doors open even in the middle of the pandemic, and can continue to serve survivors of trafficking next year. Thank you for all you do for us! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. 

In Gratitude, Susan Johnson, Director, and our team at Alabaster Jar Project. 

Giving Thanks

Four years ago, I didn’t know if I was going to make it. I had severed almost every family relationship in my life, was living a transient lifestyle, and was suffering severe trauma from sexual exploitation and trafficking. I was turned away from several shelters in the area I lived in, so I took a chance and called Alabaster Jar Project in San Diego. That decision was a game changer, and it continues to be a game changer. 

As a grassroots organization, Alabaster Jar Project thrives on the help of our neighbors and personal support. We cannot do what we do without everyone coming together to make a difference for the survivors whom we serve. So, I wanted to take a moment to say thanks. 

Thank you for attending our virtual gala, Cocktails for a Cause. We were able to raise $40,000! Taking time out of your day to participate in a completely virtual presentation truly did have an impact. 

Thank you to all who volunteer, whether that means as donating your acts of service or coming on board in a mentorship role for the survivors whom we serve. A handful of the volunteers who helped me, when I was at Grace House, contributed to shaping the independent person I was growing to be.  

Thank you to those of you who have donated food items, toiletries, and clothes to our Resource Center. To survivors in their later stages of recovery, having their basic needs met means that they do not have to wonder where their next meal is going to come from, or what they will wear to the interview that could change their life, among many other important steps they must take in their independence.  

Thank you to those who thought of us even in the midst of a global pandemic. While everyone in the entire world is struggling, you all still share our posts, spread awareness, or donate sponsorships. That means the world to us. 

There are so many times when we all sit watching the news, and we hear about all the injustices in the world. It may make us feel helpless, as if there is nothing we can do to help. By supporting Alabaster Jar Project, you are helping. You are spreading awareness. You are helping homeless victims of crimes find safe housing. You are not only supporting the “rescue” of trafficking survivors; you are making it possible that they can live healthy, independent lives.  

YOU make it possible that I can have an impact on other survivors who are just beginning to seek help. I didn’t go through all the trauma of exploitation for nothing. My life means something now. 

For that, thank you so much. 

In Gratitude, 

Amanda 

Health and Wellness Programming for Survivors

At Alabaster Jar Project, we believe that long-term independence for survivors of human trafficking comes from well-rounded healing. It is not enough to only provide one type of trauma therapy, or only provide life skills in their programming. We believe that they need the entire package of healing, including life skills coaching, several different forms of therapy, peer support, and most recently, we have implemented a Health and Wellness program as a part of their required commitments. 

There are many reasons why we are including wellness training as a part of survivors healing. Good exercise and proper nutrition can stimulate their mind, which helps their brain recover from trauma. It is a well-known fact that the body and mind are connected, so we must nurture both!   

One reason it is so important to promote health and wellness for the survivors at Grace House is because more often than not, with recovery comes weight gain. There is nothing wrong with that! Gaining weight when going sober can actually be a sign that the survivor is getting much better. But, even though our staff strives to create a body-positive atmosphere, we hold their physical health as a top priority. 

How does recovery lead to weight gain?  

When survivors make the commitment to go sober, their body starts to completely rebuild itself, strengthening their organs which may have been damaged from drug and alcohol abuse, as well as other parts of their body which might have been damaged due to physical abuse as a result of trafficking trauma. This process of rebuilding their body takes a lot of energy, and for our body, energy comes in the form of food. Not to mention, many survivors are denied food during their exploitation, and eating three regular meals a day, when their body is used to not eating much at all, can act like a shock to their system.  

We want all the survivors we serve to have long-lasting healing, so of course, we don’t want them to associate sobriety with being unhealthy. Our solution to this is to implement Health and Wellness programming, in which we partner with USD Nursing School students, to instill healthy habits in Grace House Residents that will carry over when they start to live independent lives.  

Our team at Alabaster Jar Project is committed to bringing wholeness to survivors’ lives. We are constantly researching and implementing new ways to give survivors of trafficking well-rounded healing so they have a fair second shot at life. To support the futures of survivors of human trafficking, please visit our website. 

Protecting Your Children from Trafficking

Our team at Alabaster Jar Project will always be family oriented, for the majority of us on staff are parents ourselves. Because 70% of our staff are also survivors of human trafficking, we all have spent a lot of time working on how to protect our children from trafficking predators, and how to talk to them about healthy relationships. While this may seem unnecessary to some, the reality is that in San Diego, sex trafficking yields over $800,000,000 per year. While many believe that this is due to our proximity to the border, the truth is that American citizens are trafficking and purchasing American citizens. It is likely that in your lifetime, you may meet someone who has been trafficked.  

When facing that reality, the first thing that comes to mind for many of us is our own children. The potential of our children becoming trafficked is probably the worst horror a parent could imagine! However, there are many ways we can protect our children, and your first line of defense should always be your strong relationship with them. Here are some ways you can nurture your relationship with your children in order to prevent them from ever becoming exploited themselves: 

1. Use positive communication: Acknowledge your children’s strengths and good decisions. Don’t just tell them that you are proud of them, tell them why you are proud. Instill confidence in them as often as possible. The more they believe in themselves and their inner power, the less likely their vulnerabilities will be exploited by a predator.  

1. Get to know their social circle: Meet all of your children’s friends, even, or perhaps especially, the adults whom they spend time with. Pay close attention if one of their relationships isolates them from you and others.  

1. Lead by example: The way you express and receive love will not go unnoticed by your children, and can even shape the way they develop relationships themselves. If they recognize what healthy relationships look like early on, they will likely avoid the kind of toxic relationships that come with trafficking and exploitation.  

1. Monitor their virtual activity: Be sure you know your children’s online account information and passwords to every site they use. Trafficking predators often use social media and dating apps to recruit potential victims. Teach them to never share personal information with strangers online.  

1. Keep conversations age-appropriate, but DON’T be naïve: Make sure that all conversations you have with your children regarding healthy relationships are age-appropriate, but “My child would NEVER do that!” is not a guarantee. Childrens' lack of life experience can make them prime targets for predators.  

1. Educate yourself on issues surrounding human trafficking: Stay informed about human trafficking and any new developments found that can affect those we love. This blog will always use vetted, researched sources, but for national information on human trafficking, we encourage you to visit polarisproject.org. 

If you feel that your child or someone you know is in immediate danger of trafficking or sexual exploitation, please call the National Human Trafficking Hotline at (888) 373-7888. NEVER try to rescue a trafficked individual from a dangerous situation by yourself. 

Our team is constantly trying to help those who have been trafficked in hopes that one day, human trafficking will become history, no longer affecting our present-day San Diego. To get involved in our mission of restoring, rehabilitating, and empowering survivors of human trafficking, please visit our website.  

Sensationalism

In the midst of this global pandemic and national crisis, it can be shocking and jarring to learn that human trafficking is so prevalent in our country. You might have just tuned into this anti-human-trafficking movement because of some of the images that are being passed around on social media. And rightfully so! We don’t want to see women and children in shipping crates. We don’t want to see anyone shackled and presumably sold into slavery. If you have a heart for trafficking survivors, you have come to the right place, because our team at Alabaster Jar Project always has many opportunities for our community to get involved in helping survivors reach independence. 

However, it is important for us all to understand that some of the information being passed around is sensationalized, or depicting shocking stories or language at the expense of accuracy in order to provoke public interest or excitement. Sensationalism can be harmful to actual survivors of human trafficking. Here’s why: 

1. We won’t recognize human trafficking if we see it: If we are looking for women and children in shipping crates, or shackled together, we may not see the trafficked individuals who are there in plain sight. Read our previous blog to get an idea of what trafficking really looks like, but keep in mind that trafficking affects every demographic and is likely to happen to someone you know and love.  

1. It dehumanizes the trafficked individual: In the anti-human trafficking movement, we refer to trafficked individuals as survivors of human trafficking, not as victims, for we believe that the fact that they survived exploitation is a greater indicator of their inner power than the experience of the trauma itself. We strongly strive to empower those affected by human trafficking, so depicting trafficked individuals with sensationalism takes our whole movement many steps backwards.  

1. It simply isn’t always true: One of the most sensationalized images regarding human trafficking is the imagery of children getting kidnapped. Although this does happen occasionally, 97% of trafficked children are trafficked by someone they know, not kidnapped by a stranger. If we spread false information through sensationalism, it is likely that survivors themselves will not be able to recognize when they are being exploited, and that you may not recognize it when your loved one is in danger and needs help. 

So, before you post a potentially sensationalized image or article, ask yourself: 

1. Is this information true? 

1. How do I know that this is true? 

1. Is this information helping or hurting survivors of trafficking? 

But as always, we appreciate your concern for survivors of trafficking, and even if you have posted a potentially sensationalized image in the past, we can tell that your heart was in the right place. We know that deep down, we all want to put an end to human trafficking, and the more people we have who are educated on survivor issues, fighting our cause with us, the more likely we can make that dream into a reality. 

To support survivors in your hometown of San Diego, please visit our website.  

By Amanda Moon Ellevis 

LGBTQ Survivors

From July 2020 

As Pride Month comes to a close, our staff reflects on the struggles faced by survivors who identify as part of the LGBTQ community. Our staff believes strongly in helping EVERYONE in need regardless of whether or not their identity is conventionally defined by societal standards. We also recognize that there are some specific reasons why the LGBTQ community falls vulnerable to human trafficking and sexual exploitation.   

As said in previous blogs, vulnerable women are often targeted by traffickers and abusers, because those who have less self-confidence, less independence, and less access to support, are easier for abusers to coerce into the lifestyle of trafficking. Once LGBTQ youth come out to their families and others in their community, they may be faced with instant barriers to support. 9 out of 10 LGBTQ youths report bullying in schools. As if that wasn’t enough, they may find that their own families do not accept them. 

But beyond feeling the unacceptance of their families, their families may subject them to abuse, which may cause them to run away, or their parents may even have them removed from their household. These possible factors all lead towards homelessness. If this sounds like an exaggeration, multiple studies show that LGBTQ youth make up 40% of all homeless youth, almost half of the grand total.  

Now faced with homelessness, these LGBTQ youths immediately have more needs and vulnerabilities, including the need for shelter, the need for food and sustenance, and the need for safety and protection. Potential trafficking abusers can fill these needs in order to coerce these youths into commercial sex down the road, or even solicit sex acts in return for shelter and safety.  

Our staff knows from experience that if survivors are not already fearful of police, trafficking abusers are known to put this fear into their heads, telling them that they will be treated as criminals and not victims, and that they cannot go to police for protection. Knowing that some on the police force may not be LGBTQ friendly may create yet a new barrier for LGBTQ survivors to getting the help they need to leave behind exploitation. If they never have a safe way to leave, these survivors may never find a way out of this toxic lifestyle, leading to re-exploitation into human trafficking. 

Once these youths leave exploitation and enter our program, our role is to mentor them and advocate for them to potential employers, education providers, and other service providers. We become the support system that they lost when they left their home life behind. Our hope is to become the bridge to connect them to all they need to have a full, independent life, though we believe in leading with our listening ears, not our mouths. We are always open to feedback from our clients and collect anonymous client surveys on a regular basis. 

Our hearts go out to the LGBTQ community, especially those who are affected by human trafficking, for we have personally served survivors who identify as such as long as we have been providing housing and specialty services for survivors of human trafficking and sexual exploitation in San Diego county. To support survivors in your community of San Diego, please visit our website. 

Congrats, Grad!

As many of you who follow our social media know, we recently celebrated the successful graduation from high school for our Grace House Resident who has been with us the longest. Cara* has been with us for over a year now, and during her time, she has completed four years of high school in around 16 months. Now that she has her High School Diploma, she is eligible for financial aid, student grants, and scholarships, so she can further her education, which we will assist her with, of course. She hopes to participate in phlebotomy school, then go on to pursue her higher education when she has a job in the medical field.  

Last week, we threw Cara a complete graduation ceremony. She wore a cap and gown as she sat to listen to speakers honor her accomplishment. Our Director Susan and Grace House Support Team all prepared individual speeches to honor her. Those who could not attend due to Covid 19 Social Distancing still showed their support by submitting letters of encouragement and even videos of their appreciation for her Graduation, including board members, mental health specialists, and other volunteers who have worked with Cara. It was a warm experience, and many happy tears were shed.  

It is really important to our entire team that we recognize every accomplishment for new survivors, no matter how big or small it is. Whether they reach 60 days of sobriety, or they complete their program and go onto their independent life, our whole community makes it a priority to come together and celebrate. When survivors like Cara have faced homelessness, addiction, violence, emotional abuse, and everything else that comes with being trafficked or exploited, each achievement is incredibly important.  

Thank you to all who made this special day happen. To be a part of the many celebrations our community shares with survivors, please visit our website. 

*Names have been changed to protect privacy of our clients.  

What Does Exploitation Really Look Like?

In the media, on television, and on the big screen, human trafficking is sensationalized by depictions of kidnapping, women locked in cages, and children’s hands shackled together. While human trafficking does sometimes involve kidnapping and imprisonment, it often looks nothing like how it is portrayed. The trafficking and exploitation that takes place here in San Diego County is more likely to involve the bondage that comes from threats, lies, coercion, isolation, and other mentally controlling techniques. There are often so many misconceptions of what human trafficking and sexual exploitation look like, that even new survivors have a hard time identifying whether or not they have been trafficked. They may not have been kidnapped or imprisoned, but what they often don’t realize at first is that mental bondage can be much stronger.

Sexual exploitation is legally defined as an act or acts committed through exploitation of another person’s sexuality for the purpose of sexual gratification, financial gain, personal benefit or advantage, or any other non-legitimate purpose. Though we use the word “exploitation” to describe the way a survivor’s sexuality has been exploited, it is important to understand that abusers often try to exploit a variety of their needs and vulnerabilities. Traffickers may exploit a survivor’s need for housing, income, their addiction issues, or even their need for emotional support and romantic affection.

Trafficking and sexual exploitation can happen in the workplace, through illegal sex work, in the pornography industry, on the streets, in the music and entertainment industry, in abusive family life, in gangs, or even in religious cults. This process usually involves coercion, meaning that the perpetrator will persuade a person to actively participate in their own exploitation by use of force, threats, or lies, and the emotional abuse usually escalates into isolation, sleep deprivation, starvation, intimidation, gaslighting, blaming, and humiliation.

You can learn more about how to recognize if your loved one is being exploited by reading our past blog about warning signs, but for now, just keep in mind that the biggest warning sign is secrecy and absence from their normal daily life. This may even look like a potential domestic violence situation, when really, exploitation is beginning to manifest. Remember that the survivor you know might not be in shackles, but is more likely to be bonded to her abuser by use of threats, lies, isolation, and other mind-controlling techniques. Typically, survivors are gradually groomed into this process, and though the end result is human trafficking, the beginning stages of exploitation are very subtle.

Exploitation abuse is often an extremely nuanced process, which can make it very difficult for a survivor to overcome. It changes the way young women think, how they form friendships and other relationships, how they function in work and educational environments, and how they respond to stress. This is why our staff takes a holistic approach to healing: Not only do we promote autonomy and independence, but we have a trauma-informed staff, of which 70% are survivors, who use multiple therapeutic activities to help Grace House Residents and new survivors reach greater levels of healing and wellbeing. To support survivors in your hometown of San Diego, please visit our website.

By Amanda Moon Ellevis

Survivors of Color

Our team at Alabaster Jar Project has been emotionally overwhelmed by the events from the past few weeks in Minnesota and all over the country. As many of us on staff are survivors of human trafficking, we are no strangers to violence, and George Floyds’ murder hit close to home. But another reason it hit close to home is because all of us have family members, friends, and fellow survivors who are People of Color. While Grace House accepts survivors of human trafficking and sexual exploitation from all over this diverse country, and in a few cases, from different parts of the world, a large portion of the survivors whom we serve are women of color.  

Systemic Racism
The fact that there is a high percentage of survivors who are women of color is not a coincidence. The systems in our country that have been in place for many, many years set up a portion of citizens for success while others are left to struggle, depending on their race, gender, class, orientation, where they live, and a number of other factors. These factors can determine what kind of education children receive, whom they will be influenced by, and if they have access to proper social services. These potential setbacks experienced by many young women of color, combined with early childhood abuse that most survivors report, creates an environment where young women of color are vulnerable to trafficking. To put it bluntly, African American girls are more likely to experience poverty, multiple forms of abuse, and violence than their white peers, and therefore are at higher risk of becoming trafficked.  

Abuser Targets
Traffickers and abusers often target the most vulnerable population they can find and exploit it. Part of this is because vulnerable people are easier to coerce. In their eyes, women of color may be perfect targets, for they are already vulnerable to biased systems and may have less access to support. If these young women of color have no other role models to look up to, an abuser may attempt to fill that role for them. Furthermore, many former pimps have admitted that they believed that trafficking women of color ran them less of a risk of being ultimately prosecuted than if they exploited white women. When the justice system is already set against them, this makes women of color more vulnerable to potential abusers.  

Fearful of Police
This toxic lifestyle creates a vicious cycle for women of color, for even as they leave the life of exploitation, survivors of color may be less likely to seek help from the police because of their fear of police brutality. Think about it: If police are known to unfairly target people who look like you, how can you be sure that seeking help from law enforcement won’t end in harm or even death? While other survivors are able to get help from police, women of color are much more fearful. Unfortunately, this fear often leads to re-exploitation, or re-entry into an unhealthy lifestyle of trafficking. 

Even to the experienced Human Trafficking Task Force here in San Diego, who are thoroughly trained on survivor-centered practices, survivors may fear police brutality so much that they may not work with officers who are there to help them. If that connection is never made, they may never be able to receive the services we offer. A portion of our staff are survivors who advocate for other new survivors alongside law enforcement as well as train law enforcement on survivor-conscious practices. We believe in partnering with law enforcement rather than working against it. We pray for a world where survivors do not have to weigh their need to escape exploitation against their fear of getting hurt by police, and as we work with law enforcement on a regular basis, we take steps towards closing the gap between survivors and law enforcement all the time.  

People of Color are disproportionately affected by human trafficking, and our organization stands in support of those fighting against racism and violence all across the country. By fighting social injustices caused by racism, our community can continue to fight for many of those affected by human trafficking. Perhaps together we can put an end to it all. To support survivors in your community of San Diego County, please visit our website. 

By Amanda Moon Ellevis